“Mummy, why do you have hair down there?” My five-year-old bluntly asks me, as she stares at me having a shower one morning.
With soap in my eyes, I am startled and drop the shampoo bottle on the floor. Before I have a chance to answer the first question or wash the soap off my face, she hammers me with the next one.
“Will I have hair there when I become a mummy?”
WARNING: When you become a parent, be ready for questions like this from the minute you wake up, until the end of the day. Even with my experience answering awkward questions after teaching Kindergarten for years, I have still been left speechless at times.
“How are babies made?”
“Where do we go when we die?”
“How did the world begin?”
They choose the worst possible times with their embarrassing inquiries, like in an elevator full of people or when you are waiting in the line at a shop.
“Did that old man just fart and not say excuse me?”
“Is that lady fat because she eats unhealthy food mummy?”
A mother must deal with disgusting questions as well. While I was eating my breakfast one morning my four-year-old asked me in a serious tone,
“Does everyone poo?”
“Do you poo?”
“Why does poo sometimes sink and sometimes float?”
These are the times when you want to run and hide somewhere.
We cannot wait for our gorgeous, baby to say 'Mum' for the first time and we melt when they do. Then we can’t stand the sound of it by the time they turn two because it is followed by 100 questions a day! It gets too much sometimes that you want to snap and yell,
“STOP ASKING ME SO MANY BLOODY QUESTIONS!!”
However, as parents, we know that if we don’t answer them, they will continue to ask the same question over and over until they get the desired response.
What really annoys me is when young “experts in their field” ask me questions that I don’t know the answer to. For example, 5-year-old boys who know everything about dinosaurs. To be honest, I couldn't give a rat’s ass about those pre-historic creatures, but I am still expected to know what percentage of dinosaurs were herbivores and what percentage were carnivores? I don’t care! They are extinct. They are not eating anything now anyway!
As children get older and become a ‘tween’ or pre-teen they are fascinated with ‘rights-of-passage questions’. My niece, who is 12 years old, is obsessed with growing up and wants to know everything about being a teenager. She quizzes me with:
“How old were you when you got your ears pierced, when you got your first period, when you got your first boyfriend, when you had your first kiss, when you wore high heels, and when you wore makeup to school?”
I never fall into the tween-trap because I know she is waiting for me to say an age that is younger than what her parents have told her and she can run excitedly to mum and dad and say, “Well Aunty Carly got her ears pierced at 6, so can I get mine done now?”
Thankfully by the time your children are teenagers they basically narrow it down to three questions:
“Can I have some money?”
“Can I have the keys to the car?”
“Can you pretend you don’t know me?”
By this point, you as the parent, start reminiscing about the days when they asked you, “How do fish breathe?” and “Why is the sky blue?”
In a blink of an eye, they have grown up and it was you, who took the time to answer all those questions for all those years, that created the foundation of their knowledge.
So, here is some advice to all the mothers out there who don’t want to take the time to answer all those annoying questions, simply say,
“Go ask your father.”