Search
  • Carly Rae

The Phallic Cake

Updated: Apr 1, 2019


Before having children, I had next to no cooking skills. I guess I could have learned to cook by watching my family prepare meals, but I just wasn't interested. There were far more important things in life to focus on, like my studies, learning guitar or socialising with my friends. I still managed to cope without any culinary skills at university. I lived in a share house for 4 years, never turning the shiny, new oven on once! I dealt with the problem by ordering a lot of takeaway pizzas, making grilled-cheese sandwiches and consuming pasta in the evenings.


When I met my husband and he slept over at my house for the first time, he woke up early and went to the shops. I thought he might have been going to buy us some coffees, but in fact, he was out buying me a frying pan and spatula to make eggs for breakfast. This is when I became aware of my cupboards lacking the normal cookware!


Fast forward a few years. I found myself as a stay-at-home wife and mother. Suddenly, cooking became a necessity. It didn't start out so well. A baking problem occurred when it was my daughter's 1st birthday. There was a bit of excitement surrounding this most important event. Everyone was fighting over who would make the 'first' birthday cake for my 'first' daughter. I felt entitled to make it. I didn't care if all her grandparents were more experienced at cake-making and decorating than me. I was the mother and I went through over 19 hours of getting that bun out of the oven! I decided to bake a cake in the shape of the number 1. Since pink was her favourite colour, I would create a perfect, pink #1 cake!

Well, that was the plan anyway.


I had added a bit too much cake mix to the #1-shaped pan. The more the batter rose, the fluffier it got in the oven, the more it began taking the shape of something very inappropriate. Instead of looking like a princess pink #1 cake; the end result looked like a flesh-coloured penis cake! I was shocked and mortified because it was late at night and there was no time to get all the ingredients and make a new one for our early morning guests. After my husband and I examined the perverted cake, we poured a few drinks and the more we drank, the funnier the whole situation became.



The next morning, I somehow managed to fix it up for the big party, but my friends and family have teased me about it for years. I was even asked by a friend to make a phallic cake for her Hen's night.


After many years of marriage, I have somehow evolved into a pretty good cook (if I do say so myself!) I don't really know how it happened. I found myself thinking about cooking and planning dinners for the upcoming week. This helped save money and limited my trips to my most-hated place—the grocery store. I started to think about what I needed, what was nutritious for my family and what would make everyone happy. The phallic cake, however, was taken off the menu for good.

46 views0 comments
SIGN UP AND STAY UPDATED!
  • Instagram Social Icon
  • Facebook Social Icon
  • _Mumoirs_
  • Facebook Social Icon